Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
