just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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