The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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