Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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