i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He kissed a someone with a penis
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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