you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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