It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
