you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
