You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
