i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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