Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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