i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
