Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
