So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Michael Bay diarrhea
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
