Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
