I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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