Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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