The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
