looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
