So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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