is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
