I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
