i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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