Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
