was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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