I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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