I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
