problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
