If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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