I heard we made out
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
