sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize