WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
