I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
