The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
