I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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