oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
