i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
