Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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