finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
