can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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