I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
