1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
