swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
