oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
