Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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