Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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