dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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