ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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