my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
They are going to name an STD after you.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
