Your face is a jimmy john
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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