Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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