Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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