no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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