I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
