I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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