So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
