I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
