today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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