Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
