so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
