Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
