you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She's JV to your varsity
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
