my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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