Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Randomize
