It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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