Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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